A baby boy with eyes of blue
Got carried away to the ICU
The mom was sick with a nasty flu
She couldn't hold him for two weeks
Rock him to sleep or blow on his cheeks
When she finally held him in her hospital bed
She whispered into his ear and said

I almost died when I had you
Your dad was on a bender in Bloomington
Didn't have a clue
I almost died when I had you
I almost died when I had you

When he took his first steps
When he clung to her leg afraid to go to school
When he made the game winning shot
Or got kicked off the altar boys
For eating all the communion hosts
Even during his wedding toast
Didn't matter if he was good or bad
Happy or sad
If he told the truth or lied
She couldn't let it slide

I almost died when I had you
Your dad was on a bender in Bloomington
Didn't have a clue
I almost died when I had you
I almost died when I had you

And when her first granddaughter entered the world
With his same eyes of blue
What did she do?
She called him to say congratulations
Did I ever tell you?
I almost died when I had you
Your dad was on a bender in Bloomington
Didn't have a clue
I almost died when I had you
I almost died when I had you
I almost died when I had you
I almost died when I had you

A mom and dad got into a shouting match at the crack of dawn
She threw his clothes all over the front lawn
The son snuck out to clean them up quick as he could
But not before the paperboy hit the neighborhood

Same news different day
A dad leaves a mom cries
Another lie another drink
To hell with all his neckties
Could he possibly have more?
Dammit all they're going out the door
Same news different day
And the paperboy just rides away

The Elkhart Truth hit the porch with a thwack and landed
Extra! Extra! Read all about it! Boy caught red golf shirt handed
The son gathered them all and hurried inside
Sat against the mom's closed bedroom door while she cried

Same news different day
A dad leaves a mom cries
Another lie another drink
To hell with all his neckties
Could he possibly have more?
Dammit all they're going out the door
Same news different day
And the paperboy just rides away

The weather page here's always the same
Thunderstorms with heavy showers
All day and through the night
Into the early hours
No relief in sight

Same news different day
A dad leaves a mom cries
Another lie another drink
To hell with all his neckties
Could he possibly have more?
Dammit all they're going out the door
Same news different day
And the paperboy just rides away
And the paperboy just rides away
And the paperboy just rides away

In February I flew to Minneapolis to lay both my parents to rest. I spent most of the flight crying under my sunglasses writing down everything I could remember and everything I wished I could forget about my childhood. The time I told my dad I needed braces and he asked me if I was going to be a pretty boy movie star. The time he left me fishing for hours alone with nothing but weights on my line. Or the time our first family vacation got cancelled because my dad was in jail.

I am turning these and other stories like them into songs because it feels like the most enjoyable way for me to tell them. Depressing music written with a little wit always cheered me up. The Smiths. The Magnetic Fields. Girlfriend in a Coma. Love is Like a Bottle of Gin. Songs that embrace the pain so completely and with such mockery they make you feel better somehow.

My parents gave me a lot. A love of film. A love of music. A love of craft. And all the time in the world to use my imagination while they spent most of my childhood consumed in my dad’s alcoholism. I was alone a lot. Bored a lot. There wasn’t much to do in Elkhart. So I made things up. Worlds. Characters. Stories. Places I could hide. I turned my GI Joe into an Italian spy in my basement, had a crush on Aqua Marina the mermaid princess from Stingray, and spent hours listening to a five album Motown set being swept away by Stevie Wonder’s Fingertips.

I continued to hide into adulthood. Mainly in the form of pseudonyms. I did graffiti under the name Arthur V. Commerce — as if art versus commerce was a proper name. I put out a record under the name The Artificial Hearts. I paint using only CC in the form of two eyes, hidden in the pieces, peering out of the dark. My portfolio is called That Maker Freak. It’s hosted by a freaky monster who can’t stop making things.

All this to say, I’ve got a new hiding place. Elk Heart. The band with a heart. And a handful of disheartening songs about a mom and a dad.

They were real characters. I hope you like getting to know them. I feel like I am all over again with a much brighter perspective.

Come spend some time in Elk Heart. The band with a heart would sure love some company. Chances are, you’ll leave happy or sad, but maybe a little bit of both.

A boy sits in a dentist chair
A mom pulling out her hair
He needs braces said the man in blue
He's got a gap in his two front teeth
You could drive a truck through
Jesus Mary and Joseph said the mom
Braces aren't cheap he can ask his dad
I'm not gonna be the one to drop that bomb

Your teeth are fine as they are
Your teeth are fine as they are
Go ahead and ask your dad
But he can't afford that selling used cars
Your teeth are fine as they are

The son walked up quietly to his dad
Sitting on the couch sports page in hand
The paper folds down
Greeting the son with a familiar frown
The dentist said I need braces
I've got a gap here you could drive a truck through
You sure do said the dad but first let me ask you
When you grow up what do you wanna do
Are you gonna be some kind of pretty boy movie star?
No I want to be a pro football player
Then you don't need braces son
Your teeth are fine as they are

Your teeth are fine as they are
Your teeth are fine as they are
Can't believe you'd even ask
We can't afford that with me selling used cars
Your teeth are fine as they are

I heard your dad your teeth are fine as they are
But he's got plenty of money to throw away at the bar
Go outside and play some football goddammit!
Your teeth are fine as they are
Just don't grow up selling used cars

Your teeth are fine as they are
Your teeth are fine as they are
Can't believe you'd even ask,
We can't afford that
Who do you think you are?
Your teeth are fine as they are

He never became a movie star
He never sold used cars
He never played football
And his teeth?
He lost them all.

Back seat of a '64 Pontiac Bonneville
Two restless kids who couldn't sit still
A mom's watery eyes in the rearview mirror
Their first family vacation drawing nearer
An escape from the midwest malaise
Just a restless night's sleep away

Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, traveling on a mountain through space
A wonderful world, castles and parades, a painted face
Meatballs and Wiener Schnitzel, a whole continent of tastes
Mickey and Minnie, Goofy and Pluto, mascots all over the place
The Country Bear Jamboree, a cricket named Jiminy
With a dad in jail, it's all a distant non-memory

The eyes spoke with bitter tears
To two boys of 7 and 11 years
Dad was drunk behind the wheel, sideswiped a car
After another night at Flytrap's sitting at the bar
Her hands shaking at the wheel, she could hardly steer it
You can just forget about all that crap, I don't want to hear it

Mr. Toad's Wild Ride, traveling on a mountain through space
A wonderful world, castles and parades, a painted face
Meatballs and Wiener Schnitzel, a whole continent of tastes
Mickey and Minnie, Goofy and Pluto, mascots all over the place
The Country Bear Jamboree, a cricket named Jiminy
With a dad in jail, it's all a distant non-memory

When you wish upon a star
Makes a difference who you are

A dad took his son fishing
Late in the day, maybe three
Drove out to a lake house
A party, some noise
No place for young boys

He set the son up with a rod and a lure
Said stay here, I’ll be back in a bit
Went up to the house where the people were
And the son cast out into it

The hook snagged on a rock below
He walked up disrupting the dad show
They hurried down together, he cut the line
Put some weights on, said these’ll work fine

Don’t worry about snagging now
Don’t worry about anything
Just keep casting, keep casting
Fish love a shiny thing

Casting weights again and again
No tension in the line, tension in his mind
Never mind me dad I’m doing fine
Just passing the time

Not worrying about snagging now
Not worrying about anything
I’ll just keep casting, keep casting
Fish love a shiny thing

The threat of darkness gave the son courage
He ran to the light
The dad apologized to his friends
Called it a night

Not worrying about snagging now
Not worrying about anything
I’ll just keep casting, keep casting
fish love a shiny thing

They drove home
the radio broke the silence
Simon and Garfunkel
drunk singing too
A seven year old fishing alone

No hook
Just weights
Just dark
Nothing new

St. Thomas the Apostle November 1978
All the busses gone one mom was late

A son on a swing on an empty playground
Quietly hoping for a sound
No signs no signs
Just a cold wind and the passing of time

Sister Gerald Francis said come wait in the convent
He didn’t want to say no
He stared through the window
Waiting for the mom to show

A window breaks from the inside
When we’ve had enough
A window breaks from the inside
When we’ve had enough

He left the convent without saying goodbye
He passed a building full of trumpets sitting under industrial lights
He remembered touring it and wanting to play
But it only started a fight

Who’s gonna pay?

Factory after factory full of broken windows
The son once asked his mom why
And this was her reply

A window breaks from the inside
When we’ve had enough
A window breaks from the inside
When we’ve had enough

He passed the Schwinn shop he wanted a bike from
The Curly Q where his brother worked some
Down the alley twelve barking Pekingese behind bars
By the garage and two unstarted cars

Through the back door
To find the mom on the phone
Oh you poor thing I gotta talk to Mary
She feels so alone

A window breaks from the inside
When we’ve had enough
A window breaks from the inside
When we’ve had enough

Have you had enough?
Have you had enough?
Have you had enough?